GBTQ+ Men’s Retreat FAQs

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You deserve a wildly indulgent and expansive experience with everything from full ownership of the entire retreat center and spa, to your favorite pornstar or drag queen welcoming you, to a photoshoot with a renowned photographer, to incredible gourmet meals. This is one experience where I refuse to let a queer man be told to settle for less.

One of the reasons I open the doors to the retreat 7 months in advance is I know this may be a big investment – financially and emotionally. Of course, there are long-term payment options available. We can discuss payment options and logistics on our brief one-on-one call. I’ll reach out to schedule once you apply.

Of all of the things that people are most concerned or resistant about, the boudoir shoot is at the top of the list. There are endless reasons why we queer men may be uncomfortable with our bodies or with the idea of getting nude photos taken by another queer man.

Here’s what I tell people: You are under no requirement to have your photos taken (nude or clothed)—or do anything at this retreat. It’s your time. But it’s included in your investment, regardless.

Because three days in the woods and being constantly validated, seeing others’ photoshoot transformations, and embracing your own sexuality does miraculous things. And I can promise you that I’ve never seen anyone regret the option of the photoshoot.

So, if you’re uncomfortable, here’s my advice—come to the retreat but decide you’re not going to do the photoshoot. You’ll still have a slot scheduled toward the end, so you can hear others’ experiences, but you don’t have to go. Just bring the harness or heels or anything you would wear if you ever were a person to have a photoshoot, on the off-chance. Then see what happens when you get there.

The honest truth is the people who have the biggest transformation are the ones who are most resistant. And boudoir is the opposite of everything you think it is. But I’ll let you hear from others’ experiences when you’re there to decide for yourself.

After the boudoir photoshoot, the hot tub and sauna time brings up the most concern and anxiety. These spaces conjure up a particularly sexualizing atmosphere for most of us queer men—and that’s why we intentionally subvert them to be some of the deepest connection you’ll have at the entire retreat.

I know it may be a fearful anxiety or fantasy, but I promise that the reality is a lot of exhausted people hanging out and connecting after a vulnerable day.

After a long day of deep, emotional, spiritual work with one another, it’s impossible to objectify anyone or see anyone as only skin-deep. Past participants have called this nightly integration and relaxation time one of the highlights of their entire experience and the thing that radically changed their relationship with other queer men and allowed them to feel safe in their bodies around queer men.

Without realizing it, we’ve all internalized some level of homophobia that often tells us we can’t trust other queer men or even ourselves in these environments––and that is why the space is so important.

Having spoken to each of our past participants in depth, I can tell you there wasn’t one moment where anyone felt sexualized or judged in the slightest during this time. It’s a product of the safe, connecting energy that emanates across the entire retreat.

You’re in good company. Most of us don’t feel safe or like we fit in with other queer men, and that’s why this experience is so important to me.

The entire retreat is designed to consciously tackle this—from eye contact work with partners, to group discussions on this topic, to dressing each other up for the queer party, to hot tub and sauna time.

This retreat is about celebrating the commonalities and diversity of queerness. You are right and you fit because you are queer. That’s the only requirement. And this retreat is designed to change the way you feel you fit in yourself, your body, your sexuality, and your queer community.

Most of us only really have one context for a group of queer men getting together alone in the woods with hot tubs, saunas, naked photos, and conversations about fetishes. Either you or your partner may have particular fears or anxieties about what will really happen there.

I always like to say that there are a lot cheaper and easier ways for gay and queer men to have a sex party than pay all of this money and travel to a retreat center, so everyone’s actually showing up for the same reasons you are.

That said, I want you to have the most information possible to review or talk to your partner about. You can click here to find a sample itinerary (subject to change slightly) to give you a sense of how the retreat flows and what we’ll be working on.

And I’d love to share one of my favorite anecdotes from last year. A client who has Desired as a sensitivity was talking about his “shameful secret fantasy” of being gangbanged – which the whole group was quickly able to analyze metaphorically because what’s more Desired than seven guys wanting you at once?

When he called his husband to tell him about the session, his husband said, “Wow, that sounds erotic. Were people getting horny?” And he replied, “No, honey—there was a literal whiteboard. It was like math class.”

I have the privilege of getting to work with queer men every day in my practice. I’ve yet to meet anyone who didn’t have really dark fantasies they had some shame around. I promise you that your darkness is welcome here. All of you is welcome here. There is nothing gross or wrong about you.

My job is to help people to understand the metaphor of their fantasies—what their desires are trying to tell them. And I can guarantee you that you won’t scare me or any man here.

That said, if you have specific concern, we’ll talk about that in our brief chat to make sure this space is the right fit for you and your needs. I’ll reach out to schedule once you apply.

The retreat center is about 45 minutes north of Boston Logan International Airport. I typically ask for everyone’s flight itineraries in the month before the retreat and try to arrange carpool situations to help you.

That being said, the retreat center is about a relatively inexpensive $40-$50 Uber or Lyft ride from the airport. And, of course, there’s plenty of parking if you choose to rent a car.

While this is not a strict sober retreat weekend, some of the participants are typically sober, and alcohol is not supplied. If you are the type of person who likes to have a nightcap, you are welcome to bring your own alcohol, but I’ll be transparent that we do have emotionally full days, so this type of retreat naturally runs more sober.

If you choose to drink, to maintain the safety and boundaries we set together, I usually encourage a two-drink maximum per night. But I’m happy to discuss this more on our short chat if it’s an important topic for you. I’ll reach out to schedule once you apply.

I totally understand the appeal of a virtual version to feel safe in your own home and at a lower investment.

The reason we don’t do that is the physical connection, the fear of judgment or sexualization, the fear of not trusting yourself, meals together, the screaming or crying or laughing together, the boudoir photoshoot, the hot tub and sauna time—these are all vital parts of the experience.

If we’re going to change our relationship with other queer men, we need to physically feel safe together.

If you have specific concerns, feel free to bring them up on our brief chat, and we can make sure you feel comfortable. I’ll reach out to schedule once you apply.

Given how intimate this experience is, I do have an application process and brief chat with everyone interested, just to make sure we’re all good fits for one another.

I try to provide as much information for you as possible, between the webpage, this FAQ, and the sample itinerary. But, honestly, the best way to really assess is to apply and have a brief conversation with me.

Bring up any concerns or questions, and I’ll be brutally honest about the experience. The reason we have so much safety and transformation is because the right people come together. So we want to make sure this retreat is right for you.

what + why     |      all the details      |     past experiences     |     sample itinerary

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