GBTQ+ Men's Retreat Past Experiences

Here are four quick stories from last year’s retreat that just say everything to me about this experience, so I want to share them with you.

The shyest guy in the group—the bi guy who “didn’t fit in” and “ didn’t know all the campy movie references”—the one who was terrified of ever doing boudoir…after 3 days, he became the group-appointed “daddy” leader of the retreat, dressed by the other guys in a leather jacket and Aviators and ordering us around.

Two days in, another guy broke down at dinner, yelling and in tears about how much he hates gay and queer men and how they only want to use him for sex and no one ever cares about him. Every other guy sat at the table nodding and sharing their own pain and frustration on the exact same issue––even guys he’d swear would never feel that way. And he left the table an hour later proudly declaring himself part of the community.

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In the sauna, as everyone sat around in bathing suits and Speedos, one of the guys was talking about how he hosted these sex parties, but his boyfriend had so much shame and didn’t want to be seen. So he went to Home Depot and built him a gloryhole. And the way he described the craftmanship and cushion for his boyfriend’s face, everyone was oohing and ahhing like it was the most romantic story they’d ever heard. And he stopped and said, “I didn’t know this could exist––that I could sit in a sauna half-naked with other queer men telling a sexually explicit story and not worry if I’m making someone horny. I just feel seen.”

When guy who wasn’t going to do a boudoir photoshoot—he wasn’t going to sign up because of it—walked out of that photoshoot with such fierceness that I almost fell over backwards when I saw him. And he said, “I don’t give a flying fuck what those photos look like. I’m hot as fuck, and I know that now. But I can’t wait to see how hot I look.”