For accessibility and ease, you can listen to this post narrated by Mike:
As I was making my bed this morning, a song I hadn’t heard in years came on my Pandora—“Show Me What I’m Looking For” by Carolina Liar.
The last time I remember hearing that song was almost exactly eight years ago. It was September 2011, and I was feeling lost. Hopeless. Confused.
I remember so clearly because the words felt like some kind of prayer as they spoke to me back then. It wasn’t even that I knew exactly what I wanted and just couldn’t get it. It was that I had no idea what I was even looking for. I just knew I was missing something.
This was before I did this work. Before I ever did Sacred Branding®. Before I wrote this blog. Before I lived in this home. Or dressed in the way I do. Or even was dating Garrett—though, curiously, it was the exact month we moved in together, with another friend.
I didn’t even know what to look for. I had a great job. I made a lot of money. I had a lot of really good friends. I did work I cared about and that mattered.
From the outside, my life seemed to be going incredibly well for a 23-year-old. How much more could I have asked for?
I told myself that I was selfish. And spoiled. And greedy. That I was ungrateful. That I just couldn’t appreciate all of the blessings I had in life.
And I did have a lot of blessings. They just weren’t the kind that I was looking for. They couldn’t nourish me in the ways that I needed. But I didn’t even know what that meant at the time.
I didn’t know who I was. Or what I was really looking for. And so I worked my ass off. Achieving a lot. Having a life that was well-validated. But not one that actually fulfilled me.
And, at the time, hearing that song come up on my Pandora felt like a kind of oracle to articulate a silent prayer I’d been begging for for a long time—show me what I’m looking for.
It feels poignant and surreal to be emotionally transported back to another time in your life. How a song can just immediately send you right back to where you were and what you were feeling.
Our new realities become normalized. And, in retrospect, our memories tend to minimize any emotional anguish we were experiencing in the past. But, somehow, today, I felt it all. I felt how lost and confused and scared I really was.
That I’d never feel fulfilled. That something was inherently wrong with me. That I couldn’t just be grateful. Or fit in. Or be happy, no matter the blessings in my life. That I was perpetually broken. And the real me was so hidden, even from myself.
I tossed those words around in my mind—“Show me what I’m looking for.” There’s such a bittersweet mash-up of hope and melancholy and surrender tied up in those words. If ever there were a motto—no, a prayer—for Sacred Branding®, that’d be it.
To see. To be shown. Not just what we’re seeking. But more than that. Why we’re seeking it. Who we are. Why this situation wasn’t successful or didn’t make us happy. Why that one will.
Like finally something just fits. And clicks. And can speak to me in a language of my own making—one I actually understand. Tell me who I am in my own words.
Eight years ago, I tried so hard—so fucking hard—to make it all fit. I told myself why I should be happy and grateful, even if I didn’t innately feel it. And I shamed myself for the disconnect between my logic and my emotions.
We visionaries often experience a different emotional reality than the story we tell ourselves of what’s “supposed to be.”
We don’t understand how or why we’re not feeling fulfilled or purposeful. We don’t understand why we can’t just fucking make it fit—make it work. We know there must be more. We know there must be something. We can feel that vision—even if we can’t yet see it.
And all we want—all we ever wanted—was to be shown what we’re looking for. Not even be given it, all though that’d be great, too. But even to just see it. To know it. To recognize that there is something missing. We are seeking something. And we haven’t been broken or wrong in the past. We just didn’t know what it was.
Our unique genius is always what we’ve been seeking. We’ve always been seeking ourselves. Our energy medicine. It’s the very treasure we’re hunting for in every job and relationship and new Amazon purchase. Even if we don’t realize that’s what we’re continuously doing.
We’re looking for something. And it’s that same something over and over and over again.
Eight years ago, I made a promise to myself—to discover what I was looking for. I knew it was there, somewhere. I knew it was simply hidden under self-doubts and insecurities and other people’s opinions. And my job was to find it.
That year led me to late night deep talks with Garrett. To getting sick. To healing myself. To falling in love. To starting this blog. To leaving my job. To discovering Sacred Branding®. And buying a home. And getting married. And helping hundreds of visionaries from all over the world to “show them what they’re looking for.”
It was a promise that cracked me wide open. And one I’d forgotten about for the better part of the last eight years.
Looking back, it’s crazy how much has changed in such a small amount of time; though, it certainly hasn’t felt that way in the individual moments.
But I know who I am now. I know when an opportunity will nourish me or not. I have faith in myself to go after opportunities where I am a genius. I am fulfilled by all of the relationships of my life. And I’m unafraid to look more and more at what I’m looking for.
If there’s one wish I have for the world, it’s that we all have that. Because we all deserve that. To be shown what we’re looking for. To know with absolute certainty that we’re not wrong or broken. That there’s a reason it’s not working out. That there’s a reason we feel the way we do.
That we are geniuses. On a mission. A quest. To find the great treasure of our purpose.
We’re the visionaries, the explorers, who are here to shine the light on something the world has never seen before. And every great explorer needs a map.
To be shown what they’re looking for.
Questions for Reflection:
*Answer in a journal, in the comments right here, or take it over to the Sacred Branding® Facebook group where we can support one another:
Do you wish you could be shown what you’re looking for?
— Do you ever feel like you’re seeking something, only you don’t know exactly what it is? Have you felt like you just can’t “make it work” or “make it fit,” and you’re feeling frustrated? Or maybe you feel like you have so many blessings in life, and you should be grateful and appreciative, but you still feel off?
— Have you tried different business models, jobs, relationships, programs, courses—all trying to find that thing that you’ve been seeking? Are you unsure what exactly you’re even looking for? Maybe just something that fits?
— What if we visionaries are the pioneers and explorers on a quest to discover a treasure to share with the world? What if you will never be fully satisfied or fit until you’re on the path to that treasure? What if you’re not broken or wrong—all you need is a map to be shown what you’re looking for?