Yesterday was one of the most challenging days I’ve had in a long time. And it all started with an ice cream sundae.
Apparently Sunday was National Ice Cream Day. So Garrett and I decided to get some ice cream. I don’t eat much sugar—or dairy, for that matter. But it’s hard to not get ice cream a few times in the summer. And it’s hard for me to just get a scoop. If I’m going for it, I go all out with a sundae.
So we got our overly elaborate peanut butter and chocolate sundaes with Reese’s cups. And I immediately got a headache. Garrett couldn’t finish his. It was way more sugary than I’d remembered.
So sugary, in fact, that my heart was racing. A terrible idea for 9pm on a Sunday night. And I ended up tossing and turning the entire night. Barely sleeping at all.
At some point, I moved out to the living room couch, where it was cooler, to see if that’d help. It didn’t. But it did inspire our new dog Birdie to come visit me. We lay together for a bit, and then I headed back to bed. She followed suit shortly after.
But apparently not before peeing on the couch. Which I didn’t notice until the morning.
I changed my alarm to 30 minutes later than usual and decided not to write since I’d barely slept. It was already an overly busy day.
For a slew of reasons that seemed to fall together in just the right (or wrong) way, I had our first back-to-back super emotionally intense calls all day. To the point where I had to schedule every aspect of my day (including bathroom breaks). It’s not a way I’ve worked since way back in PR
So, clearly, I wanted all the strength I could muster.
Well, I woke up, groggy and exhausted, and saw a text from Garrett that Birdie had peed all over the couch and it smelled like pee. He did his best to clean it in the few minutes that he had, but he had to get to work.
Again, normally I’d have had a bit more time and space, but I woke up much later than usual, and one of those super intense experiences was something coming for an in-person Sacred Branding™ session. A personal contact had hired me and asked if she could come over in-person because it’d make her feel comfortable (and the tech overwhelmed her).
Any other day would have been perfect. Just a light clean up was necessary. But with the small of pee in the spot she’d be sitting, I was frantic. It had dried in overnight while we were sleeping.
Let’s just say the next scene wasn’t pretty. I had maybe 30 minutes to get ready for my busy day. Instead, I frantically looked up best practices to clean up the smell. Vinegar and baking soda. Enzyme cleaners. But, first, I read, I had to make sure it was as dry as possible. So I grabbed a hair dryer to dry it.
Of course, it couldn’t reach my couch from any outlet. So I was really stretching. Frantic. Checking the time, since I still had to get ready. And that’s when I accidentally couched the dryer to the couch. And it burned.
I had now burned our gorgeous and favorite suede couch. A burn mark right there in the middle. And the couch had a discoloration from my and Garrett’s attempts.
At least it (mostly) stopped smelling like pee.
I had maybe 10 minutes to shower and get ready—which I somehow miraculously did. And thankfully was able to settle in immediately to our first Mastermind Call for the Sacred Mastermind. As such, a lot was needed to be said, and it was extra emotional and powerful.
We went over 20 minutes over to hold space for the power of it. It was beautiful.
And it left me with five minutes before the Circle call. I jumped up, tried to close that space and open the next one. And threw in food to cook for the hour in between.
It was the last call of this current Circle, and it always bring up deep emotional shifts. Again, one of the most powerful and emotionally demanding calls. We processed shifted a lot.
And then I jumped off to grab the food, scarf it down, clean the house briefly, and take the dogs out. Of course, I didn’t have time to take them separately, and they decided to be extra challenging. The fast one wanted to go faster than usual; the slow one wanted to go slower than usual. And we were mostly stalled where no one was peeing and we were sweating in the sun.
I finally managed to get one to pee and didn’t have enough time for the other. If she peed in the house in the middle of my session, so be it. I had to rush back to not be late for my own work.
Again, somehow when my client got there, I zipped right into my role and seamlessly led us through a 2.5-hour session. I was able to summon the energy to move us straight there.
On a normal day, I only schedule Sacred Branding™ sessions on light days. These drain the hell out of me. So, on this particular day, following no sleep and two of the most emotionally intense experiences I’ve facilitated, it was a lot.
Once it was over, I wanted to crash. But I didn’t have time yet. Birdie still hadn’t peed since the morning, and I wanted to preserve the rest of our furniture as best we could.
Finally, after a 30-minute walk in the blistering heat, we were back home. The house in disarray from the session. Exhausted. Needing to upload and post and close up the lose ends of the day.
By the time Garrett got home, my body—which had somehow miraculously carried me through—was finally letting me feel the exhaustion. And I was miserable and overwhelmed. By the couch maybe being destroyed. By Birdie’s seeming regression in housetraining (she was supposedly trained and was doing fine with us until suddenly this week). By all of the work I didn’t do that I was supposed to. By my lack of sleep and self-criticism about the ice cream. By even allowing myself to have a schedule that packed—which is something I normally never do.
I was overwhelmed. Nothing was even that bad about the day. And that made me judge myself more. And tell myself that I should be able to handle it. And that I was the problem.
It’s funny. Not too long ago, I ate a lot of sugar regularly. And didn’t sleep nearly enough. And had overpacked days. And total utter exhaustion.
And that was my life. That’s how I always lived.
I wondered how miserable I was without even knowing it. How overwhelmed I always felt. It felt like no surprise that I drank so much.
Yesterday was a tough day. But Garrett and I worked together as a team when he got home. And I went to bed early. And I got plenty of sleep. And today just feels so easeful again.
Things aren’t always perfect. But I’m grateful for them anyway. Because these moments teach me so much about myself. And my needs. And my ability to temporary disassociate from the exhaustion to do what I need to do. And then deeply re-integrate when it’s safe and appropriate to do so.
To see my needs. To honor myself. To be gentle when it’s hard. And to notice how far I’ve come and how amazing my days usually are in comparison.
Challenging days like this don’t come in too often for me. And that makes me realize how blessed I am. And even more blessed when they do come in. And I get to dive deeper into who I am. Deeper into knowing myself and my purpose.
Purpose isn’t just the good and easy times. It’s a life that feels full of you, regardless of what’s happening.