Last night, we were out with some friends who we were talking about struggling with anxiety issues and acid reflux. On the walk home, Garrett turned to me and said, “Remember how you used to have really bad anxiety and acid reflux?”
And I thought about it. As crazy as it sounds, I had almost completely forgotten. I can’t remember the last time I was anxious. And I haven’t had acid reflux in years. Though only maybe four or five years ago, it was a daily occurrence.
Just this week, I got a challenging e-mail. In the past, it’d keep me up all night stressing. But this time it just felt like it wasn’t that big of a deal. I dealt with it easily and moved on, without giving it a second thought.
My mind has been scanning over those last few years—to all of the transformation I’ve undertaken. Leaving my job, starting my own business, working with an energy healer on retainer.
And running the Sacred Circle. For the past three years, I’ve been in continuous Circles. Always Circling. It’s kind of crazy to think about. Because the shifts are so incredibly subtle that I sometimes forget I’m still changing all the time from this work. I see people from even just a few months ago and they say I’m different but they can’t pinpoint why. It’s my look. Or my energy. Or the way I stand up for myself.
Yesterday, I had a conversation with a Circler from the January 2018 Circle, so it’s been a few months since we’ve connected. And she told me that, since the Circle, she’s lost 36 pounds and has pretty much dropped the anxiety. But she might not have noticed the anxiety were she not paying close attention. It just kind of happened. Organically.
And I carried that story in my mind as I walked home and thought about my own experience with anxiety. I used to be anxious about everything. I read journals from even just two or three years ago, and I’m shocked that was me. I’m always talking about money anxieties. Or work anxieties. Or relationship anxieties. And they feel so foreign to me. I honestly don’t’ even know how I got anything done in that anxious state.
I think about my health—how many health issues I battled. How sick I felt. How nerve-wracking new experiences made me. How scared I was to put myself out there in new ways. Or just speak up about my work, even.
And that’s not at all where I am. Because—as subtle as it may be—I’m slowly stepping closer and closer to my own subjectivity, my own intuition, my own purpose. My Brand Energies anchor me. So maybe three years ago, if a container was 50% Aligned and Free, it’d be a fit. But nowadays, if it’s even 94% all of my Brand Energies, it’s not a fit.
Because I’m more discerning. I know myself more. I can see myself more. I can put myself in situations and relationships and places that feel like me. That let me expand into myself. I can give myself permission to be who I already am.
And there’s no limits to that magic.
Every day, I get up and drink my own medicine. I’m always in Circle and always in Mastermind mostly because it transforms me. I pull every trauma and drama of my life deeper into the work. Looking at how I’m Repressing or Suppressing or Disassociating. I spent hours each week with my therapist, my team, and my friends unpacking it all. I take responsibility for my energy and energetic practices. And I’m always journeying deeper into my subjectivity.
I don’t think we really understand the subtle compound interest of tiny daily steps toward our subjectivity. It’s so subtle—so subtle, in fact, that we might not even remember what it was like before. When we did have anxiety or health issues or whatever we were struggling with.
But it’s transformative. Deeply transformative.
What’s one step you can take today toward your subjectivity, your purpose, your Truth?
It’s amazing where one tiny step will take you in only a matter of weeks, months, or years.