I won’t lie about it—2018 has already been a challenging year for me so far. One day last week, in the midst of my sickness, I spent 4.5 hours on the phone with my insurance just trying to cancel the old insurance now that I’m on Garrett’s. All I wanted to do was cancel.
I’ve been sicker than I’ve been in years. The new Sacred Mastermind content is more intense than anything I’ve ever taught—or experienced. And it’s asked us to show up more fully than we ever have.
I’ve spent the month going back-and-forth with an old bank to move retirement money, which was needlessly tried behind bureaucratic red tape, to a new, expanded fund.
Throw in a trademarking process, a forthcoming Sacred Branding™ eCourse and affiliate program, the demands of the Sacred Circle and other clients, and a busy weekend in PA visiting Garrett’s family, and I’m spent.
I was talking to my good friend and energy healer Deana Welch about all of this on Monday, and I said, “You know, I just feel unstable. Everything is up in the air this year. I’m in process of so many new things, and everything seems to be harder and more bureaucratic than I’d expected. I can’t help this feeling of instability.”
She stopped me. Thankfully, she’s the most intuitive person I know. And she said, “You keep saying ‘instability,’ but I don’t think that’s what you mean. That’s not the energy I feel at all. Everything feels really stable. But I think you mean ‘disorientation.’ You’ve stepped into a huge container, and you don’t know which way’s up anymore. And that’s scary and confusing, but by no means unstable.”
Boom. It hit me like a ton of bricks. She was right. From administrative personal tasks like healthcare and retirement, to business growth tasks like trademarking and affiliate programs, to the expansion of the work through how the Circle and Mastermind are evolving, I’m upleveling. Every single piece of it is a huge uplevel.
And it feels terrifying. And annoying. And so much more work than I had been expecting when I started engaging in any of it. But it’s not unstable; it’s disorienting.
I immediately got an image of myself when I first moved from a small town to the big city. I got lost a lot. And there was so much new—new people, new classes, new places to explore. It was a little overwhelming. But it was also exciting. Every day after class, I’d explore a new neighborhood of the city with a different friend. It’s how I learned the city and met new people. It’s how I felt anchored and tethered and supported.
I just needed to get re-oriented in this bigger container.
Instability implies that it’s unsafe. That the structure’s just not there. And that I have to do physical work to build it. But disorientation is something different entirely. I has nothing to do with the structure of the container and everything to do with my place in it. It’s knowing that everything is solid and strong and safe. And that my job is just to get comfortable with the discomfort of learning a new terrain. And to learn it slowly but surely.
It doesn’t mean that the year so far is any less challenging. But my vantage point can shift. To one of excitement and empowerment. To understanding why I might feel a bit confused or overwhelmed.
It’s funny. My one intention for 2018 has been to get really, really good at running the Circle and new evolution of the Mastermind simultaneously with total ease. And to fill them both with ease too. So that I can focus on what’s to come.
And I remember now when I first started running the Circle. I couldn’t do anything else on days I taught. It was so demanding. And so much work. And now, I could do it in my sleep. I was even able to show up totally fully while really sick. Because—well, I’ve built my capacitance for that work.
It was overwhelming at first. And now it’s easy.
And, even though we’re just a month into this year, I’d say I’m getting what I’ve asked for. I’m getting opportunities to practice doing it all. And maybe that feels overwhelming. But it also feels exciting. Like a challenge I want to take on.
Suddenly, challenging takes on a whole new meaning. When I think of it in terms of disorientation and not instability.
And I wonder—so often when issues come up in life that really make us struggle—are so convinced that it’s instability? Or maybe, sometimes, could it be disorientation? Could we just be orienting ourselves to an expanded space?
What do you think?