In 2012, I got really, really sick. Most of you know that. It’s what led me to the spiritual work I do today. It’s what led me to my relationship with Garrett.
But what you might not know is that just a few months prior to that, I started my real foray into self-work. I started my own version of a happiness project, where I picked a theme each month and focused on it. One month I was reading self-help books, repeating affirmations, and mediating to my own reflection. Another month I added exercising and healthy eating to the mix. And still another I focused on strengthening relationships with those around me—including buying my entire office over $500 worth of sushi for lunch.
I was determined to shift my life. And, within a few months, I had. Just not how I expected. I woke up vomiting blood, and it didn’t stop for two months. It led me down the alternative therapies rabbit hole and spit out in spirituality. It led me to the courage to fall in love with Garrett.
And I always sort of felt like it was all related. Like my own happiness project started moving all of the junk in my solar plexus that stopped me from feeling worthy, confident, and powerful. And all of that freed energy was a huge toxic load for my body to process and clear.
But it happened because of my self-work.
A few years later, in 2015, I had been working with spiritual entrepreneurs for quite a bit. I was facilitating Sacred Branding™ sessions on a regular basis, and working with one-on-one clients through the Master Energies. But I had just launched the Sacred Circle. And it felt big and powerful and special. In that first Circle alone, people were having monumental shifts. We had just-starting-out entrepreneurs mixed with seasoned, successful folks. And everyone was having huge shifts.
Including, and maybe mostly, me. I could feel the work changing my life.
And, within days of that Circle closing, I got sick again. So sick that I couldn’t eat anything for two weeks. It was happening all over again. I was terrified. I was trying every health trick and every alternative therapy I knew.
I was vomiting blood and unable to eat and losing weight by the minute. It was scary. And yet I couldn’t help but think that, again, the timing was surreal. It was only days after my first Sacred Circle had started and just a month after we bought our first home—a dream home, at that.
I had moved a lot of energy around worth again. In fact, the Sacred Circle made me face so much work there that I wanted to repress. And, sure enough, I got sick again.
I’ve been thinking about two instances a lot this week. Because I’ve been the sickest I’ve been in a while. This is the worst ‘cold’ I’ve had in a long time.
And, maybe we can explain it that everyone’s getting sick. It is the end of January, after all. And the flu is particularly bad this year.
But our Mastermind level has changed. We’re bringing down all new content. And working with the Shadow Energies. And, I’m not going to lie—it’s challenging. Really fucking challenging. I don’t think anyone in my current Mastermind would disagree.
We’re all facing the things we’d rather repress. And we’re moving a lot of energy. And a few of us have gotten sick.
And I wonder how much ‘toxic energy’ I’ve released into my system. How much trapped energy my system now has to process and remove. As I’m finally looking at what’s been repressed.
It’s fascinating. After that first time I got really, really sick, my whole life changed. It led me to leave my job and do this work. It led me to marry Garrett. It was transformative.
And the second time, it led me to running what is the best work and best program I could imagine doing. It opened doors to my deepening work in the Sacred Circle. And taught me how to surrender deeper to the work. Which led to all of the work that I’ve built and currently run today.
I’m not sure I would have been able to work through so many issues, or propose to Garrett in Italy, or even get married in Aruba without that work. It was transformative, too.
So I wonder what’s coming. I wonder what’s opening now that I’m not afraid to face what’s always been inside.
We can call it a healing crisis, if we want. This idea that we’re releasing something that’s been inside for a long time. And our body is simply dealing with the increased toxic load. And it can be painful. And very physical.
But it’s because of our self-work.
I’m sitting with this place of healing crisis today. And thinking of how it’s played out so much in my life.
When things are blowing up in your life—health or otherwise—can you ever see them as a healing crisis? And how would that perspective change things?