I start therapy again today. I haven’t been to therapy in nearly six months. And I couldn’t be more excited.
Back in April, my therapist went on sabbatical for a few months. And I, of course, had the option of beginning a relationship with a new therapist. But it felt pointless. I’d be going right back to my therapist come September. So it felt like a natural break in our work.
It’s weird to think back to where I was just six months ago. I’ve been reflecting on what we were working on back then. What’s changed. What’s shifted.
In some ways, it feels like I’m an entirely different person than I was at that point. I feel more creatively and artistically alive than I ever have. I feel richly fulfilled by my work, which is expanding bigger than I’ve ever imagined at this point. We rescued a dog who fills our hearts every day. We’ve had our I Do BBQ and are a mere two months from our Aruba wedding—which is 99% done being planned. And my ideas and philosophies have expanded immensely.
In the moment, sometimes it feels like nothing is happening in life. But, in retrospect, I can’t see anything but transformation.
I remember a few years ago, I was out to dinner with Garrett’s colleagues. And one said, “How’s work? Last time, I remember you were in the midst of these major epiphanies that were really changing the nature of your work.” And, before I could answer, Garrett cut in and said, “That’s not specific enough. That’s everyday.”
I laughed. But that moment really pointed out to me the nature of growth. Just having my head down, doing my work. Both on myself and in the work I’m bringing forth. We’re all so in it that it just feels like everyday life. And then it’s only when someone from the outside calls us out that we realize growth has occurred.
It’s one of my favorite parts of therapy. To have a space that’s mine. That gets to witness me in all of my growth. And play and expand and learn. And call me out on patterns I’m not looking at. Or bring up questions that further my own processing.
Without it—without even reflecting on it today because I’m going back—I don’t know that I’d see all that growth. I might miss it. I might tell myself nothing’s changed.
I used to have a judgment about therapy years ago. That’s it’s only for people with “real problems.” And I don’t have those. In some ways, it felt validating. In most ways, it felt limiting. Like I’d be wasting a therapist’s time because I just want to talk about the nature of objectification and art and psychological projection. Because, in many ways, I felt I wasn’t worth it. That I needed to feel more depressed to be worthy of therapy.
But the thing is—all of that’s me. Analyzing Twin Peaks and reflecting on what it means to me is—me. It’s all subjective. My entire human experience is subjective. And all of it has infinite inherent worth. All of it is beautiful and relevant. Because it’s all me.
It’s why I’m so excited to go back today. To externally process all the ways I’ve transformed over the past six months. And what I’m now interested in exploring compared to what I used to be. And meeting myself again. Really seeing who I am today. In a way that isn’t distorted by my own inability to see myself from a distance.
It’s some of the best magic and most powerful work that I know. And it’s why I couldn’t even entertain the thought of writing about anything else today. This is all that’s alive and present for me.
And maybe the craziest part of all is that—as I’m sitting here, reflecting on the last six months—I feel more in love with myself than I ever have. Thinking about the ways I’ve grown and blossomed. The ways I’ve allowed ease into the wedding planning process, into my business, into my life. There’s infinite, infinite gratitude here. And I’m bathing in it today.
In the Sacred Circle, this is referred to as the Discover energy. Seeing what’s hidden in plain sight. What you haven’t been able to see just yet. It’s the energy therapy most readily gives me. And it’s beautiful.
Do you go to therapy? Or work with a coach? Do you work with the Discover energy in any other ways? How is it for you? I’d love to hear.