Yesterday, Garrett came home from work and asked me how my day was.
Wednesdays are always long days for both of us. It’s the one day that Garrett keeps his clinic open later to be accessible to people who work during the day. (If you ever wonder why the evening Sacred Circle Mastermind Calls are on Wednesdays, now you know.) So, I usually work a longer day on Wednesdays while he’s not home.
And I started rattling off the things I did that day. I got a haircut. I channeled down and put together February’s Sacred Mastermind content, which includes an in-depth discussion of thermodynamics, trauma formation, and subversion as a means of empowerment. I coached a few clients through challenging situations via e-mail. I facilitated some intense conversations in the Mastermind. I welcomed some people into the next Circle and got them set up. And then I facilitated a Sacred Circle Mastermind Call, in which we helped two people release significant, significant trauma through the use of our fairytale energetic narrative therapy.
When I was done, he just looked at me. “It’s so weird that that’s what your normal day looks like. It sounds intense and exhausting.”
I had to pause. I wasn’t always able to do this work. I remember when I first started running the Circle. Man, it took everything out of me. And I thought there was no way I’d ever be able to see clients separately or run anything else.
Or the first time I ever facilitated a Sacred Branding™ session. And I thought for sure that was the only thing I could do in a day. It demanded so much emotional intensity.
But, over time, I was able to do both. And practice self-care. And add in the Mastermind. And the intensity of its teachings, of which I have no prior knowledge (you should have seen my reaction when I heard clearly, “Learn about entropy; you’re about to teach it.”) And add in select one-on-one clients. And add in business expansion activities like forming an LLC or creating an affiliate program or trademarking.
We talk a lot about holding space—the ability to hold energetic and emotional room for deep vulnerability to be shared and shame to be transmuted. And it’s not always fun. Or easy. In fact, I’d argue that holding space is one of the most challenging skills we develop as humans.
But we have to constantly be working through our own shit to not be triggered by the projections or revelations a person is having. It’s about them. And we need to continue centering them and not ourselves. And we need to be able to sit in the discomfort. The extreme, extreme discomfort of some of the furthest reaches of duality. And see people. Really see them. Without an agenda. Without worrying if we know what we’re going to say next. Because it’s not about us. It’s about them.
Five years ago, maybe I wasn’t able to hold the space that I am today. But it’s because I’ve built a capacitance. I’ve been able to hold a bigger container. And that’s exactly how I do the work that I do.
That’s why a few years ago, the Sacred Circle wiped me out. And today, I can do it alongside many other emotional and energetically intense things. I can hold more energetic space.
Sometimes, this work is exhausting. And if I didn’t have to watch my own energy exchanges every five weeks, thanks to the Sacred Circle’s Value week, maybe I would get more burnt out than I do. But having that balance, that self-care, is critical to the work that I do. And critical to capacitance, too.
I wouldn’t be able to do what I do if it weren’t sustainable.
Slowly, but surely, I learn how to hold more space. How to build my capacity to hold more energy. To trust and pull down information that I consciously know almost nothing about. And quickly transition to helping someone work through their biggest trauma. And then quickly transition again to introduce beginners to the work. And again to have casual dinner with Garrett.
I’m not always flawless at it all, believe me. But capacitance—this ability to hold ever more space—is critical to this work. It’s critical to build slowly and steadily. And not ever put myself or someone else in an energetically unsafe situation. Knowing that I’m only adding in more as I’m happy.
Five years ago, I didn’t think I could do this much work. And I was probably right. And I have no idea what another five years will bring for me.
Just like 10 years ago, maybe I couldn’t handle the emotional vulnerability and love in my relationship. But, today, I have the capacitance for it. I can hold that space.
How are you growing to hold more and more space in your life? And what does that look like?