Five years. A lot can change in five years.
A few days ago, Facebook reminded me that I was at a party five years ago. It was a surprise party that I threw for both Garrett’s 25th birthday and my sister getting her first job. It’s memorable, mostly, because it was the day before I got violently ill—and changed my entire life.
I woke up the next morning vomiting blood. And so began a journey of emergency room admissions, specialist visits, forays into alternative medicine, and explorations of my inherent spirituality. Without that sickness, this blog post would not exist, the Sacred Circle would not exist, hell—even my relationship with Garrett probably wouldn’t exist in this way.
It’s shocking to think that it was only five years ago.
I read once long ago that if you alter your life path just one degree, you’ll end up miles and miles away from where you might have ended up. Like a shit who changes courses ever so slightly. It feels like such limited changed in the moment, but over time that change compounds into something unrecognizable.
Five years ago today, I never thought I’d be planning my wedding to Garrett in Aruba. I never thought I’d be living in this beautiful home. I never thought I’d have left public relations or be this fulfilled running Sacred Circles to people from all over the world every six weeks. But life has a funny way of surprising you if you open to it.
It makes me afraid and excited to see where the next five years might take me. Who I’ll become. What I’ll do. Where I’ll grow.
Time is a funny thing. Most days I feel like life is at a standstill. That I’m just doing the same old drudgery. Not in a bad way. I love what I do. But it becomes routine over time. It’s just life. And, in some ways, it doesn’t feel like I’m moving forward or changing very much. In fact, it feels like life is moving a bit too slowly for this speedster over here.
And then I look back five years. And it’s almost shocking that I could pack all of these experiences in to that tiny little window. Light-years of growth into just a few short years. Time has a funny way of stretching and condensing like that.
My mind races over all of the stories of the last five years. Laughs, tears, memories. Experiences that shaped me. And I remember something special that happened at a conference a few years ago. The speaker, a meditation guide, asked us to close our eyes and travel to a time in the future when we have it all. When we’re happy and fulfilled and excited. When we’re in the exact place we want to be. Where are we?
And I saw the scene so clearly. I was sitting on the couch I’m lying on right now to write this post. With Garrett. In my exact home. Watching some TV show or movie. And it felt simple. And happy. And easy.
I shocked myself. It wasn’t speaking on some stage. Or on my next book tour. Or even teaching the Sacred Circle or facilitating the Sacred Mastermind. It wasn’t receiving an award. Or making a certain amount of money. Or hitting some business goal. It wasn’t in a bigger home. Or in different clothes. And we weren’t doing anything particularly special.
I was home. In all senses of the word. And that’s what it was about.
Five years ago, I thought I’d never settle down. That I’d travel the world. Hell, I was the guy who lived in Rome to film a documentary. And lived on the Amalfi Coast to learn Italian. And moved to San Francisco to take a stab at healthcare PR. I bought a ticket to Dublin on a whim just days before I left. I spent my birthdays traveling the country or world to see friends all over.
Surely, I wasn’t the type to settle down.
In fact, an entrepreneurial friend recently asked me if I ever feel frustrated that Garrett works in a physical location, and we can’t just pick up and go wherever we want. And I sort of laughed. Truthfully, I’m probably one who’s more resistant. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love travel. And we like to do our fair bit. But there’s nothing I love more than being in our home, in our community, just doing our daily routines.
Five years ago, I never thought I’d say that. I was always running toward something.
And somehow it just feels like I found whatever I was running toward. And it’s a good a time as any to pause, enjoy this moment, and look around for a while.
Where were you five years ago? And what changes can you see today?