Learning to speak my own language—the language of my subjectivity—is the most shockingly important thing I do. Knowing what’s happening in my mind, in my body, in the symbolism of my dreams, in my energy levels.
Yesterday, I told my therapist that we are meeting a new dog tomorrow to potentially adopt—a sibling for Roscoe. And his first response was, “You knew this was coming. For the last few weeks, you’ve been talking about how integrated you feel, how you notice yourself interested in backburner projects, and how you’re making space for something big and new.”
And I realized he was right. We’re finally done with travel for a little. One six month Mastermind is on the verge of closing (last call today), and another is on the verge of opening (first call on Monday). We’ve lowered the number of Circles we run in a year to make it easier on me and have created a more sustainable marketing schedule. We’re settled in after being married seven months ago.
My subjectivity has been speaking to me. Helping me to see—through my expansive dreams about the future, my desire to clean the house constantly, and my lighter schedule. It’s finally time to open to stuff we’ve been talking about. The “one day” stuff.
And, almost impulsively, we jumped online one night and found our dream dog. The exact same mix as Roscoe. And the perfect temperament. And put in an application with little to no conversation.
It felt impulsive. But it’s something we had been subtextually communicating for a long time. Our subjectivities had been communicating it.
For the last few weeks, I’ve met up with relative strangers and old friends at coffee shops and phone calls. To talk about life. To work through issues happening for them. To just meet as humans.
I told my therapist that so much feels integrated. Because I have all this extra energy to take on projects. To meet new people. And it feels like a priority now.
And I know myself well enough to listen that intently to my subjectivity—the summation of my mind, body, and spirit—and know what it’s telling me.
It’s funny—my work is literally about creating an individualized language to articulate your own subjectivity. That’s actually the definition of Brand Energies. And yet somehow it shocks me to realize that I’m so in tune with my own subjectivity.
This work is so subtle and powerful that it continues to surprise me.
And I think back to just a few years ago. How much I didn’t know my own language. How much I’d make decisions that were totally counter to what I was needing. How much I didn’t trust myself.
I’d second-guess everything. I’d be conditioned by a friend hiring an assistant or witnessing someone on Facebook. And I’d think I need that too. And then I’d shame and blame myself whenever things didn’t work out.
I used to be the person who’d be perfectly happy and then suddenly have a huge mood drop in the middle of the party. Get into a huge funk. And have no idea how to get myself out of it.
I’d have digestive issues for seemingly no reason. I’d have trouble getting out of bed some days, yet randomly spring out other days. I’d swing from emotion to emotion. And I just thought I was fucked up. Or strange. Or had no idea why I was feeling anxious here but excited there.
The most important relationship we will ever have is with ourselves. But most of us don’t really know how to speak to ourselves. At least I didn’t for a long time. And I’m still just learning. I’m learning to de-code my own subjectivity. The Brand Energies help. A lot.
They explain my trauma to me. They explain my anxiety to me. They explain why my emotions are shifting to me. And they help me only put myself in situations where I’m going to feel good. Or, at the very least, understand why I don’t feel so good.
They help me understand when I’m trying to tell myself that I’m overwhelmed and can’t take on another thing. Or when I’m trying to tell myself that all is integrated and I’m making time and space for something new.
They help me know when is the right time. When it’s time to wait. How to do it my way. How to have patience. How to let it be graceful and easy.
They help me understand the impulsiveness is rarely impulsive. The signs have been there all along. We just haven’t learned how to speak that language.
Brand Energies are my favorite tool. But there are so many others. Knowing our bodies. Knowing our energy systems. Knowing what feels like us versus someone one. Knowing our inner voice versus an internalized voice of another.
This is critical. I’d argue it’s the most important language for us to understand. It’s the most important thing for us to do. Because it’s our lives. It’s us. And we’re simply developing a stronger relationship with ourselves. We’re subjectifying ourselves and seeing our Divinity.
And there’s immense, immense power in that.
What’s your subjectivity been telling you? Are you getting the messages? And how can you continue to develop a relationship to speak to yourself—all the parts of yourself—clearly?