The Last Month Until I’m ‘Married’

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Yesterday, I picked up our marriage license. It’s exactly 30 days until we are legally married, 46 days until we leave for Aruba, 50 days until our wedding events start, and 52 days until our formal wedding ceremony.

It’s officially the last month of my non-married, single life. And it feels as good a time as any to take a pause. And reflect.

I remember back before we even went to Italy. It was a vision I had in my mind for over three years before I bought the tickets. But I still hadn’t acted on it. Partially because Garrett wasn’t ready for years. And partially because I was scared. I didn’t know if I could pull it off. I didn’t know if I had the money—or, more directly, the money to hide that huge expense from Garrett. I didn’t know if it was a good time.

I worked with a coach and an energy healer around the clock on these issues. I formally turned my business into an LLC. I meditated on my worth and my value. And I surrendered even deeper than I had before.

Because I wasn’t going to take one step toward marriage until I was sure that I was a solid container in and of myself. That I could never lose myself. That Garrett was protected from my business, as a separate entity. And that I was clear on why I was marrying Garrett.

That process—the entire four months between when I bought tickets and when we left—seemed like an eternity—an eternity of intensive self-work.

And then we left. And I proposed. And we got engaged. And we instantly knew Aruba. We had already planned most of our guest list years before. And we fell in love with our reception venue the moment we stepped in for dinner just months before. Not to mention that it was the site of the first hospital in Aruba, and healthcare is so important to both of us. So it wasn’t hard to plan.

The details seemed to all fall together immediately. In my own true fashion, I began working with a therapist immediately on the additional self-work I wanted to do during the 18-month engagement. And we slowly began planning every step of the way. Honestly, feeling more connected through the planning process than we were without. Aside from some minor snags, there’s been almost no stress. It’s just been—easy.

I know people say that engagement and wedding planning fly by. But, as a person who’s always diving into the next major life change, I’ll admit it’s felt slow for me. Not in a bad way. Just slow. Like I’ve seen every moment drift by. Enjoying and savoring it. And, okay—I’ll admit—sometimes wishing it’d go just a little bit faster.

And then we’re here. So close to the end. Still some time to go. And, for extra caution, we’re getting legally married stateside to avoid any potential issues internationally. In our favorite park near our home.

So we got to ask for Garrett’s family blessing in his hometown. Engagement in Italy. I Do BBQ in my hometown. Legal wedding in our neighborhood. Wedding in Aruba. And honeymoon in Israel.

The six most sacred places to us. Places that define who we are individually and collectively. It’ll be over two years when this whole process is complete. But two years that feel important to our relationship.

And there it is. Here on the last month of my non-married life. I’ve never been one to care much about those labels. I mean, I’ve known I want to be with Garrett for the rest of my life. So, on some level, it doesn’t feel like anything really changes. Who cares if it’s the last month of my non-married life? It’s not like anything will change.

But it will. Legally, it does. Tax-wise, it does. Energetically, it does. I’m stepping out of our current container and into a new one. A sacred one. If only through intention. That we’ll help each other grow and evolve and transform. That we’ll challenge each other. And we’ll push each others’ buttons. And explore the whole world together. Explore ourselves together. And commit again and again. Not just on one day. But every day. Deciding if we’re still game to do this and asking each other to love one another again.

It’s what I said when I proposed. And I meant it. It feels important.

I don’t know what last self-work and rituals I’ll do over this last month. I don’t know what’s to come. But I know it’s special. I know it’s important. Because I’m stepping into a really special container next.

And today’s a good day to reflect on that.

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