Saturday is our ‘I Do BBQ.’ I’m off for the day tomorrow to finalize all of the details. In fact, we’ve been working on little projects like favors, welcome bags, and the signature cocktail every night this week.
And it’s gotten me thinking a lot about the little details. There are a lot. Last night, as I was tying the 50th bow on a favor, I started to think about why details are important and what that has to do with the integrity of the container.
If you’ve followed me for a while or been involved with my Sacred Circle or Sacred Mastermind, you’ve probably heard me talk about the difference between an essence and a container. An essence is the ‘what’ to the container’s ‘how.’ I make people feel Aligned, Successful, Free, Zany, Unmistakable, and Vulnerable. And I do that through writing every weekday, teaching the Sacred Circle, facilitating the Sacred Mastermind, and working with VIP clients.
In the same way that I want to feel Aligned, Successful, Free, Zany, Unmistakable, and Vulnerable. And I feel those things in my relationship with Garrett. So a good container is one that can literally contain that energy medicine. And allow us to share it or feel it. The better the container, the more that energy can get through.
At the end of the day, all I can give you—all I can ever give you—is my Brand Energies. My Aligned, Successful, Free, Zany, Unmistakable, Vulnerable Energies. And every container I choose—every post I wrote—is sharing those to a greater or lesser degree. Depending on how much the container fits.
Take my relationship with Garrett for example. We’re about to have our ‘I Do BBQ,’ we so might as well take a look at it. I consider it a pretty good relationship. A good container for me to feel and share my essence, my purpose. Now, I never feel like I’m trying hard in the relationship. I just get to be me. Sure, we fight sometimes. But even our fights allow me to be more of myself, not less.
And the relationship isn’t good because of some grand gesture we do all the time (although, let’s be real—that surprise trip to Italy was pretty smooth). It’s good, in my opinion, because of the subtle details that go unnoticed. All of the ways the container is solid and nonporous and strong and grounded. Like the fact that we’re both constantly doing our own self-work. And we make sure to spend time connecting each night, whether through playing cards or just talking. And we don’t judge each other for any feelings we have—even when they’re inconvenient with our own.
It’s the subtle stuff. Stuff I forget about. The details. That make it a good container.
In the same way that that friendship you’ve had your whole life just fits. And you intuitively get each other. And you never stop and think about why. But you know you can 100% show up as yourself. Right there, you’re experiencing a good container.
I thought about all of this as I was tying that bow to the favor. Because on some level—what’s the point, right? I mean, I’m definitely more of an idea person than a details one. So why put in all of this effort for something so minor? People probably won’t remember the favor at all.
And then I remembered that it has nothing to do with the favor. Just like this blog post has nothing to do with the words I’m saying. It’s about the energy. It’s about allowing these words, these thoughts, to be a good container for you to understand Aligned, Zany, Free, Unmistakable, Vulnerable, and Successful in a deeper way. That’s all. That’s all I ever have to do. In fact, that’s all I ever can do.
I look over the entire celebration. And I’m in awe of the subtle details of Vulnerability. And the Unmistakable things I’ve never seen elsewhere. Hell, having an at-home reception before the ceremony is pretty unmistakable—and we certainly got pushback. But why would I ever apologize for doing what feels right? I’m Unmistakable.
So much Alignment. And Freedom in no formal seating time or dress code. And Successful—oh so Successful. When people first enter and see all of the stunning-ness of it, they may very well gasp. But I couldn’t do it any other way.
That’s why the details matter. Because they strengthen the container. Because they allow me to share more of my Energies, my purpose out there. Just like every tiny detail I put into the Circle. They’re subtle. And people might not notice them all. But they feel them. In their ability to transform at rapid rates. Simply by being freely gifted those Energies in every moment.
Good containers are transformative, even transcendent, simply by entering them. There’s no trying. There’s no doing. Because a container is there to just hold the energy. So you can do as you will. And you’re safely contained in the magic.
It’s how I get to show up here every weekday with no fucking idea what I’m going to say, and it just works. It’s how I get to show up to every Circle call with no fucking idea what I’m going to say, and magic happens. It’s how I get to show up in my relationship every day with no fucking idea what to do, and I fall deeper in love. When containers are perfect, they can hold all of you. And you never have to try to be yourself; if you’re trying, it means you’re being somebody else.
Let every container of your life fit you like a glove. And the rest of your life will be full of ease. Because all you’ll ever need to do is be yourself. Whatever that means in any given moment. Just being yourself.