I Gave Up on My Desires to Make a Lot of Money

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I used to think I wanted to grow my business to a multi-million dollar business. I used to think I wanted to help millions of people. I used to think I wanted a modern $2M family home in a particular section of the city.

And, don’t get me wrong, all of those things sound nice. I totally welcome any of it in, as long as it feels easy and on my terms. But something’s been shifting for me over the last few years. Something that’s really opened for me these past few months:

If nothing in my life ever changes from where it is today, I’ll be one of the happiest people I know. There. That’s it. Plainly. I love my work. So, so much. I feel so creatively and artistically expressed doing my work. And, if I just earn enough money to sustainably do that work and support my family, that’s more than abundance for me.

It’s shocking that I get paid to do what feels to me like the most exciting work in the world. It’s like when Garrett says, “Oh, don’t eat grocery store ice cream. I’ll make you a semifreddo.” And I think, “This is shocking—not just that he’d do that, but that he’d want to do that. Just because I’m me.”

I get to help people in ways I never dreamed of. I get to express some of the biggest epiphanies that get downloaded to me. I get to understand the Universe in deeper and more intellectually rigorous ways every day. And I get to watch deep, deep trauma shift in the most profound of ways.

So, yeah, if the world can make this sustainable, then it already feels like my life is blessed by a million suns. I’ve never even thought I could be this fulfilled. And I welcome in the rest. But, to some extent, I don’t really care. Because I already feel all that more money could give me or wider reach could give me.

Certainly, I want more people to access this work for their sake. And I have no doubt they will. But it feels like a radical shift to just not care how big it all grows. Because it’s no longer about me; it’s how big the work wants to grow. I’m already nourished immensely by it.

I told a friend recently that I’d already opened the space of the CEO and the space of the writer and healer years ago. And it was only this year that I’ve really worked on surrendering to something new. Devoting deeper to the work. And opening to a new space—the space of the artist. I feel more creatively expressed than I ever have in my life.

I feel expressed in my relationship. Expressed in my home. Expressed in my clothing. Expressed in my work. Expressing in my writing. Expressed in my spirituality.

I feel like my own greatest living piece of art.

Because the artist is simply expressing the Soul. She’s the modern sorcerer. Giving life to inanimate objects. Making paintings talk. And writing dance. And objects sing.

She understands that all things are merely a container for an essence. A means through which to express. The outer world is only a container for the inner world. And richness and meaning always comes from essence.

For years, I’ve sat with the wisdom that “as your inner world gets richer, your outer world doesn’t need to be quite as much.” But it’s only really, really hit me so deeply in the last few months. Just what it feels like to be that rich. To feel that purposeful, that artistic, in every given moment.

I am so, so humbled and grateful to have been gifted all that I have in this lifetime.

And I welcome more and more and more greatness in my outer world. And I fully trust that, if it’s meant to help others, it will keep expanding. But, it just feels like a moment to pause atop the mountaintop and look around. And see that no amount of additional outer world success could add more fulfillment to this essence inside.

It’s so full of meaning. Because it’s so full of me. The real me.

And that’s the artist’s greatest challenge. To bring the Soul inside to life.

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