For most of my life, I felt like I was too much.
Too intense, too deep, too playful, too sensitive, too loud. I was always told to be quieter. Or that not every conversation had to be so intense. Or that I needed to stop being silly and fun.
Once, I was even told that I was really great at my job, but my personality was too much and I’d have to tone it down to succeed.
I never felt like I quite fit in in any environment. At least not as fully me. Some parts of myself had to be suppressed. In fact, self-suppression became a survival mechanism. I quickly learned the parts of myself that were praiseworthy and acceptable, and I clung onto those, while quietly silencing any of my more “shameful” aspects.
It’s funny. Because now I get paid because I’m intense and deep and playful and sensitive and loud. That’s actually how I do my job so well.
At the time, I internalized it—thinking these arbitrary containers were right and I was somehow wrong. I hadn’t figured out that all along, people were right. I was too much for these containers. Like a gallon of water in a tiny little cup, they couldn’t fit all of me. And, rather than shame myself, I just needed bigger containers.
I don’t think it was until I started dating Garrett that I really, really understood what it was like to be in a big container that could handle all of me. It was so foreign at first. Not only did Garrett accept that I was loud and playful and deep and intense, he actually loved me more because of it. He could hold space for my really good days and my really bad ones. He helped me see that who I am is perfect, and I need containers that can contain me, not contort myself to fit these arbitrary containers around me.
If it weren’t for Garrett, I don’t know that I ever would have left my PR job and started this business. I mean, it was a good job. I liked what I did, and it was well-paid. But it wasn’t me. And I didn’t fully appreciate that until I realized I wanted a container that fit all of me.
I wanted something where being playful and sensitive is a superpower. I wanted a life that’s molded around me, not the other way around. I wanted to get up every morning and step into relationships, work, clothing, a home that makes me become more of myself.
So I leaped. From a good relationship container, I entered a good work container. And it’s been the wildest ride in personal growth ever since. Because we tend to fill up the space we’ve given ourselves. We tend to grow to the size of the container we’re in. And I was always in smaller containers—overgrowing and being too much for them.
It’s amazing how much shame we internalize from a young age about who we are. We’re told that we’re either too much or not enough. And we’re told it enough that we start to believe it.
We believe that we’re not smart enough. Or not strong enough. Or not thin enough. Or not fit enough. Or not whatever enough.
Or that we’re too much. Too tall. Too short. Too thin. Too intellectual. Too emotional.
But here’s the thing. That’s not an objective statement. It’s not like there’s a universal judge out there setting the rules of what’s an acceptable amount of emotion and telling us that we’re above or below that standard. “Too much” or “not enough” is always a subjective statement. When a person tells us we’re “too much,” all they’re really saying is, “You’re too much for me to handle in this container.” They’re telling us the container is too small. And we should believe them.
Radical subjectivity was such a foreign concept to me at one time. This idea that I could start life from my own subjectivity. Not what I’d been conditioned to believe (like that I’m “too intense”). And not what’s the norm out there. But what’s right and true for me.
It’s the idea that I start from the basis that who I am is right and Divine and perfect. And then I start building containers from that place. Relationships, jobs, homes, fashion, friendships, morning routines that feel like me.
And it’s kind of like magic. The more I build a life based on me, the more I become me. The happier I get. The better containers I start naturally attracting into my life. And the easier it all becomes.
If you told me just 10 years ago that one day I’d be screaming in the middle of Sacred Branding™ sessions to build up energy (I do) or unpacking someone’s deepest trauma within weeks of meeting them (I do regularly) or feeling into situations and using my intuition—and all of that is how I make money—well, I’d never have believed you.
And yet I do it every day.
I’m not too much for the work that I do. In fact, I need all of my resources to do this work. Because it’s a container made for me.
What have you been told that you’re too much of? And how can you build containers that allow that trait to be your superpower?