I never wanted to be an entrepreneur.
Some people are really good serial entrepreneurs. And they’re always looking for problems in the world and figuring out ways to solve them. They like raising money and strategizing marketing and all of that.
And that’s not me. Honestly, I had no intention of ever being an entrepreneur.
But I couldn’t quite get myself to fit into the world. It wasn’t out of choice that I ended up here. But by default, actually. I never fit into any other spaces. I was always too much for them.
And, even when I first started with entrepreneurship, I hated it.
It was lonely and tiring and confusing. And I doubted myself all the time. I thought I must be stupid. Because everyone around me is getting it to work. And here I am—finally able to create a space where I might be able to fit, and I still can’t make it work.
It was a feeling I’ve had a lot in my life. That I’ll never get it to work. That I’ll never figure it out. That I must be broken or wrong because none of the advice or formulas seem to work for me.
I hated having to manage a million pieces of the business. I hated having to figure out how to package up what I do. I hated having to market and follow launch formulas.
I felt like it’d never work for me. And maybe I would have given up long ago—but the thought of going back to another container that I couldn’t get to work either just felt too bleak.
It’s funny. Because, looking back, I can see that I’m a really bad entrepreneur. And I’m a really bad worker bee. But I’m really an incredible CEO. Because I’m exceptional at being me.
The truth is it wouldn’t have worked—it never would have worked—if I kept trying to follow someone else’s formulas. Because they don’t work for me.
And I had to let go of the trying to be a good entrepreneur. Because I’m not one.
I make “horrible” business decisions. I like to build things slow and steady. I don’t care a ton about how fast we grow or how much money I make. And I invest more in my own self-care and growth than anything business-related.
And I get overwhelmed easily and take a long time to complete projects. And I like to just write from the heart and be myself. And I’m usually taking a bath or dancing in the middle of the workday.
And I overpay my team and the artists we work with—to the detriment of my own pay. And I like to work less than eight hours a day.
And I make most decisions intuitively—even when they make no sense. And I like to have team meetings with everyone and coach them on all aspects of their life to make sure they’re happy.
It was only when I really, really, really started letting myself do all of that. And be a really, really bad entrepreneur, that I got the opportunity to be a really, really good version of me.
I got to be the CEO—not just of my business, but of my life.
I couldn’t make it work. I could never make it work. Because I was really just trying to make myself work in all of these spaces—other jobs, entrepreneurship, other people’s models.
And I stopped doing that. And started making the business and relationships and friendships work for me.
When you start from the baseline that you’re too much, you spend your life thinking that you’re wrong. And you have to change yourself and try to fit the other containers.
And, even when you think you’re finally doing things your own way—like I did when I first entered entrepreneurship—you’re still trying to mold yourself to fit the models. Because the conditioning runs deep.
We’ve spent our whole lives hearing that we’re too much—too intense, too emotional, too sensitive, too loud, too fat, too thin, too short, too whatever.
It’s really hard to wipe that clean just because you start your own business or enter a new relationship or whatever else.
I let myself feel ashamed for so long because I couldn’t make it work—I couldn’t fit myself into other people’s boxes.
And I thought I must be stupid or broken or wrong. I thought I must be fucked up. I thought that I’ll never, ever get it to work.
I spent my whole life trying to find myself through the jobs and relationships of my life. Through the success I could achieve.
It wasn’t until the Sacred Circle that things began to change for me. Because we started with discovering exactly who we are. Knowing exactly who I am. That who I am is right. That I’ve never been wrong. That every goddamn moment of my life has been right. And made sense. Even the moments of shame. Even the moments of trauma.
And then building a business or life around that. A business around that.
It’s shocking what happens when you start from the baseline of knowing yourself in entirety. And knowing—not just believing, but knowing—that that person is perfect and right.
You don’t fit because you stop trying to make yourself fit. And instead you build things around who you are.
Here’s some hard-earned advice from one too much person to another—you’ll never, ever make it work if you’re trying to fit other people’s boxes, formulas, and models.
You weren’t made for that. And, even when it magically “does work,” it really doesn’t emotionally. We’re never fully satisfied.
We have to start from who we are. From knowing ourselves totally and knowing that our “too much-ness” just means the businesses and relationships are too small to fit us.
And it’s shocking how fast your life changes then.
Do you feel like you’ll never get it to work?
Have you ever struggled, feeling like no matter what you do, it just doesn’t work out for you? Or, even if “it does,” you’re never quite satisfied?
Have you shamed yourself for not reaching the successes and milestones that others around you seem to reach with ease?
This is such a deep and personal question for me. And it’s brought up a lot of pain and a lot of immense healing.
So I’d love to hear from you. Let me know in the comments or over in the Sacred Branding™ Facebook group. This question alone can bring up some big shifts for you.
Sending you lots of love.