How to Change Your Life — Do You Have to Burn It All to the Ground?

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“Where do we go from here? Do you ever feel lonely or overwhelmed when you finally know your purpose and are building a life around it? Where do you even start?”

It was a question I got last Wednesday on our Heal Mastermind Call—the last call of that Sacred Circle. It’s one I get pretty much every Circle. Because once you’re clear on your own purpose and have worked with it for five weeks, it becomes glaringly obvious what containers can’t contain that purpose.

We start to see friendships that aren’t nourishing. Websites that don’t actually express us. Messaging that feels out of place. Programs that drain us. Clients that aren’t the right fits.

And, before we know it, we’re overwhelmed. Where the hell do you even start? Do you raze it all to the ground? Do you end every subpar relationship? Fire every client? Start from scratch?

I gave a metaphor from my personal life then, as I’m apt to do—and it feels appropriate here. I thought about the time—after my own first Sacred Circle—that I was in that space.

I looked into my closet and realized that none of this was me. None of it felt Aligned or Zany or Free or Unmistakable or Successful or Vulnerable to me.

The clothing expressed who I used to be—or who I thought I was supposed to be, at least. It expressed conditioning from a lifetime of letting the world tell me who to be. But none of it was me.

So, I was overwhelmed that now I had to create a whole new closet. Or else I’d be miserable every time I put something on. And couldn’t quite afford to replace it all in a day.

So I started with one thing—the most personal of all. I bought myself new underwear. My Zany orange underwear. I still have them. And that was all—it felt like a tiny step of courage.

And then, maybe a week later, I needed an Aligned, well-fitting pair of pants to go with my underwear. And soon after a Successful shirt. And then maybe a month later some Unmistakable shoes. And then a Freeing haircut. And, before I knew it, things had been changing all around me. I began to see myself in the mirror.

Not right away. Not only could I not afford to change it all, but I just wasn’t ready. I had to slowly integrate who I was becoming as I grieved for who I was.

Only the changes didn’t end with my closet. I was decorating my home in new ways. And changing business practices. And hiring a team. And shifting my money management practices. And preparing to get engaged. And it kept going on. Until today.

In fact, every time I Circle, I’m constantly re-evaluating my containers for that Circle. And I mind myself changing something huge every five weeks.

So, my short answer was, “No, we don’t have to raze it all to the ground. If we see things like finding more nourishing relationships or changing our website to be overwhelming, we’ll be too terrified to re-construct them. But if we see them as fun as changing our clothing—an art project to slowly become more of who we are—they’re not quite so intimidating.”

We often refer to the Brand Energies (or our way to conceptualize and articulate individual, subjective purpose) as “fluid modes of expression.” They’re simply ways to express ourselves. Our true selves. Ever-changing like the fluid tides.

There are no rules that tell us we have to express ourselves a certain way—in fact, this work moves us away from that. And there’s no timeline or pressure (remember, we’re in a Circle, not linear thinking anymore).

So just one tiny change. One tiny little change that feels deep and personal. One tiny act of courage. Will produce monumental changes.

Even if you don’t have your Brand Energies yet, what’s one tiny step you can take to doing something that feels subjectively good to you?

Because what quickly happens is you’re the person who can—say—run a webinar about something you’re passionate about. And, if you can do that, then you’re the person who can run a webinar and maybe start a side business. And then, if you’re the person who can run a webinar and start a side business, you can buy yourself one nice pair of shoes. And so on and so forth.

It doesn’t have to be big steps. It just has to be walking in the direction of your true self. In fact, if you take one tiny, tiny, little step toward your own subjectivity every day, in one year you will be 365 times closer to living your dreams. In just three years, you’ll be over 1,000 times closer.

It’s crazy. It’s absolutely crazy who quickly it all begins to compound. And your life will be unrecognizable from a year ago, two years ago, definitely five years ago.

I think to where I was five years ago. And it’s shocking. I didn’t have a business. I wasn’t married or even public about my relationship with Garrett. I didn’t own a home. I didn’t look or dress like this. I didn’t eat healthy. I didn’t have this confidence. I didn’t write a book or have a book deal. I mean, infinite differences.

And each step was as small as buying a new pair of underwear. It doesn’t have to be big or fast or overwhelming. It just has to be you.

Because your life should feel like you.

What step will you take today?

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