I’m not good at lots of things.
I’m not good at making small talk. Or having conversations that aren’t super deep. Or meeting new people. Or building out organized frameworks. Or preparing and scheduling e-mails and social media posts.
Or finding pretty much anything in a pantry. Or going grocery shopping and sticking to a budget. Or cooking anything that needs to be paid close attention to.
There are lots of things I’m not good at. Things in my business, things in my relationship, things in my life. And no matter how hard I try—they just don’t come naturally to me.
I used to shame and blame myself for being bad at these things. Like there’s something wrong with me. Like I should be able to stay in a surface-level conversation with a person without feeling uncomfortable. Or I should warm up to a person right away. Or I should be able to what I’m looking for in a goddamn pantry!
I’d tell myself I was snobby and elitist for not being detail-oriented. Like I was above the details. Like I couldn’t focus on planning or scheduling or the tedious, mundane stuff.
But none of it came easily. No matter how much I shame myself, I still struggled with it all. I mean, sure, I survived life. But I found it way easier to train and manage a whole team than to sit down and write out a launch plan.
And I thought I was screwed up and broken. Until I met Garrett.
See, Garrett likes cooking and grocery shopping and remembering small details. He’s so good at his job because of his ability to focus one-on-one and see things in a patient’s chart that no one else can see. But conceptualizing meals and thinking about broad healthcare reform initiatives and taking bold risks to create the life he wants don’t come quite as naturally to him.
All of the things that I’ve shamed myself for, he can naturally do. And vice versa. It’s one reason our relationship is so natural and easy. Because we just get to be ourselves. And let each other focus where we love to focus.
I’m the one with free time during the day. I create my own business. I build my schedule the way I want to. I have the freedom to have super intense conversations and think critically and channel down and unpack huge ideas in the work. It also makes things like laundry and cleaning super nice for me because they’re meditative states where I can continue thinking and unpacking.
Garrett is at work at day with a packed schedule of back-to-back patients. He doesn’t have to create many initiatives. He gets to focus solely on the patients and make people he’s just met feel safe and comfortable. And, to him, cooking dinner when he gets home is such a treat.
For a long time, I wasn’t running my business like my relationship. Because I told myself that I was “bad at business.” That I didn’t know what I was doing. That I needed to learn more to be a better business owner.
But the truth is business is just another container. If I have a successful…anything, then I can have a successful business. Because a successful relationship, for example, is just about knowing yourself, knowing the other person, doing things that feel good and natural, and asking for what you need.
It’s not different from business.
And the moment I started to focus on what I’m going at—and find ways to stop doing what I’m not—the easier business became for me.
I’m terrible at making launch plans. I’m terrible at scheduling e-mails and social media posts. I’m terrible at spending all day engaging people on social media.
But I’m really good at writing and teaching. I’m really good at holding space in a super connected, safe, small group. I’m really good at being a manager and nurturing and cultivating my team.
I know that. So why am I shaming and blaming myself for not being good at stuff that doesn’t come naturally to me?
It’s kind of shocking how much my work grows—seemingly overnight—when I only focus on what I’m amazing at. It’s not the stuff a business course could teach me. It’s the stuff that only I know, as I know myself deeper.
When I create more time and space in my life to just write and be available to manage my team, to think critically about where the business needs to grow, and to unpack more content—it’s quite frankly shocking. Because things just seem to work out.
And maybe the craziest part of all is that there are other people who love to do the very things that feel like torture to me. And they’re so good at it. In fact, it feels natural to them. And so easy. And they can’t imagine being paid to do it. Because it’s almost too easy.
That’s the space I want to be. The space where we’re all living lives that are almost too easy. Where we know our strengths without a doubt. And know our challenge areas. And aren’t afraid to admit them. Aren’t afraid to ask for what we want and need. And work together as a community so everyone wins.
At home, none of my “chores” feel like chores because they’re easy and natural and fit into my schedule. At work, none of my “tasks” feel like tasks because they’re exactly what I want to be doing. And I’m increasingly hiring the right people and learning more about myself to make it even more so.
For me, the first step is always knowing who you are. Discovering yourself. More fully. And then building a business, relationship, life from that space.
That’s why the Sacred Circle is, in my humble opinion, a non-negotiable for any business owner. Or human being.
Because how can we build a life that is so easy and feels like us if we don’t know exactly who we are? Exactly what we thrive at? Exactly what we’re challenged with?
What are you absolutely amazing at? And what are you not so good at?
And how can you build a life—without shame—around that?
How can you build a life around you?