“I’m fucked up beyond fixing. Something is wrong with me. I’m just so fucked up.”
In the work that I do, I hear it all the time. At least once every Sacred Circle, I hear some variation of that sentiment. It’s the insidious thought at the root of so many self-images. When we finally break down to why someone doesn’t love themselves or what they feel is really, really going on—this idea of being so fucked up that nothing will work usually shows up.
And there’s so much shame attached. So much embarrassment. To admit that to another. To admit that we’re buying course after course just begging someone to be able to fix us. That we’re hiring coach after coach, praying to be fixed. That we’re desperately looking for whatever is going to be the fix—sex, drugs, alcohol, workaholism, technology addiction. Whatever we believe might fix us. Or at least distract us from the pain of being so fucked up for a moment.
I get it. I’ve used those words myself. I’ve fallen prey to my patterns time and time again. A slave to my unconscious emotions. Unclear on why I sabotaged every fucking thing in my life. Unclear on why I couldn’t taken action on the life I wanted. Unclear on what I even wanted in the first place.
I watched people all around me grow and thrive. And there I was. Fucked up. Throwing money at it didn’t seem to help. Distracting myself didn’t seem to help. I was fucked up.
I’m thinking about this today. Partially because someone completely unexpected in my personal life spoke these words to me recently. Partially because in our last Sacred Circle Info Session, our Community Manager Sherri said something really poignant.
She said, “The best thing about the Sacred Circle is it makes you realize that you’re okay. And I know that sounds really simple and small. But you realize that nothing is wrong with you. Nothing has ever been wrong with you. Everything you have ever done and everything that has ever happened to you makes sense and has a purpose. You’re okay, and you don’t need anything outside of yourself. I don’t think people realize how not okay they feel until they do this work.”
It spoke to me deeply. Mostly because that’s true for me. It’s an honor to get to do Sacred Circle work because it’s not about me. I change immensely every five weeks as I lead it. I’m just another participant. And I can fan geek over the Circle just as much as anyone else. Because it’s not about me. It’s about work that is way, way bigger than me. That keeps showing me how okay I am on deeper and deeper levels.
It reminds me of something a past participant said to me a long time ago. She had struggled with alcoholism for a long time. She held so much shame. She beat herself up. And, finally, at the end of the Circle, she said something to me that I’ll never forget. One of her Brand Energies that she discovered in the Circle is Enchanted. And she said to me, “Mike, I have spent so much time in my life feeling ashamed that I struggled with alcoholism. Like something was horribly wrong with me. I didn’t realize that I so desperately wanted to feel Enchanted. And the only way I knew to feel Enchanted at the time was to drink. When I was drunk, I felt Enchanted, I felt right. And now I can let go of that shame and understand that it was my Soul just wanting to be expressed. Now that I understand it, I can find a better container to feel Enchanted. But I don’t have to carry that shame anymore.”
It was so powerful because she recognized that even her worst shame had a purpose. Even her worst shame was expressing her Soul.
We can’t escape our purpose. We can’t escape our Soul. We’re always okay. Not nearly as fucked up as we think we are. We just haven’t had the tools to see why we’ve done everything. Why everything has happened to us. And how we can align with our Soul’s desires to step forward into life.
I talk to a lot of people. I get real fast. And the most amazing thing I always realize is how fucked up and alone we all feel. We all think that we’re not okay on some level, and we think that’s specific to us.
What if you knew for a fact that everything about you was right and beautiful and perfect? What if you could start to let go of your own shame and trauma? What if you felt safe to share your gifts with the world?
Are you ready?