Are You Trying to Prove Yourself?

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The trouble with feeling “too much” or “not enough” is you have to prove yourself.

All the time.

You have to prove your haters wrong. You have to prove that you’re smart enough. Or that you can be silly and still be successful. Or that you really have what it takes.

We see Instagram feeds filled with the “inspirational” idea of proving ourselves. Of “the best revenge is living a successful life.”

And, all the while, I’m kind of exhausted centering other people.

To prove ourselves, we’re constantly centering others. Doing things (or not doing things) because of others.

We visionaries have been doing that our entire lives.

We walk into any room, and we immediately know the rules. We size up the dynamics of any situation. We have a sense of how much we have to tone ourselves down or bolster ourselves up.

Because we never fit in. We’re always “too much” or “not enough.”

So we know that this isn’t a scene to be too Zany. Or it’s not really safe to be Aligned and talk about spirituality there.

We learn the rules quickly. Because, if we don’t fit in, if we think we’re wrong, then the rules must be right. Other people’s rules. Other people’s thoughts.

And maybe one day we say fuck it. And we want to totally rebel. Totally break the rules. Because we’re done being what they tell us to be.

If we’re only doing it to prove them wrong and never for ourselves, we’re still centering them.

It’s still them first and us last. Appeasement and rebellion are two sides of the same coin.

And this is so hard for us visionaries. Because rebellion feels like freedom. We feel like we’re finally doing it. We’re taking major steps away from our feeling “too much” and “not enough.”

But proving ourselves isn’t actually starting from the baseline that we are good enough as we are. If it were, we’d never have to prove ourselves in the first place.

It’s just another tactic to finally deserve to feel worthy. And the trouble is, we already are worthy.

In fact, we’re fucking geniuses.

You know, so much of my life, I thought I was doing things for me. But, in actuality, I was just trying to prove myself. Just trying to show the world that I actually am good enough.

Mostly because I didn’t believe it myself. After years of those stories telling me I was “too much” and “not enough,” I internalized those on a deep level.

It’s crazy to think of how much power we give the boxes in our lives. Like it’d be absurd to try your hardest to fit into a shirt that is way too tight and suffocating. And it’d be equally absurd to only wear giant, loose shirts that don’t fit at all as an act of rebellion.

Except we do it all the time.

In our jobs, our relationships, our personal development programs.

We’re still giving the shirt, the job, the relationship, the program all the power. And giving ourselves none.

My biggest fear when I left PR and started my business had very little to do with if I was fulfilled or helping people transform, and way more to do with what my old colleagues and friends would think if I failed.

Sure, I was rebelling. But whether it’s from them or for them, it’s both only about them.

And I’d never access my genius if it wasn’t about me.

Fuck if people think I’m successful or not. Fuck the metrics of whatever income or milestones I was told to need. Fuck if I accomplished huge growth in six months or six years or whatever.

Was I happy? Was I fulfilled? Did I feel in flow with my genius every day?

That’s what choosing me is about.

And it’s so hard for us visionaries. Because we know the rules. We’ve taken the courses or hired the coaches. We know what we’re supposed to do.

And sometimes we rebel against. Sometimes we’re convinced we can prove the rules wrong and do it our own way.

But to let go of the rules? To take their power away? To acknowledge that they may be super helpful for some people, but the rules don’t work for visionaries? And we really don’t have to think about them at all?

That’s radical.

To believe—I mean, really believe—that we’re okay as we are? That we’re not “too much” or “not enough”? That we don’t need to change and fit ourselves into any boxes, but rather just create boxes that fit us?

That’s revolutionary.

It’s not about if we try to contort our way into that t-shirt or burn it down and only wear big, loose ones.

Because both are all about the t-shirt.

It’s about saying fuck it. That t-shirt might be a totally awesome fit for someone else, but it’s not for me. And I’m the point of reference. I’m what matters. I’m going to find something that fits.

When we stop proving ourselves, we take the power away from the things in our life that feel like they’re tormenting us. Because we know that we’re already enough. We’re not “too much.” We’re perfect as we are.

And we’re going to find relationships, business practices, jobs, friendships, morning routines, whatever that fit us.

If it complies with others’ rules, cool. If it rebels, cool. But neither matter. Because it’s not about others. It’s about us.

We’re worthy enough to put ourselves first.

Already. As we are. Without struggling or proving ourselves.

And it’s that moment that we start to access our genius. True flow. What we innately do best.

We can never prove our way to genius. Because, like great art, it’s subjective. Some people will see the genius immediately. Others never will be able to. It’s just not a fit.

So let’s choose ourselves and find a life that does fit.

And you’ll be shocked at how much your genius begins to shine forth then.

 


Questions for Reflection:

*Answer in a journal, in the comments right here, or take it over to the Sacred Branding® Facebook group where we can support one another:

Are you trying to prove yourself?

— Do you find yourself wanting to “prove your haters wrong” or “prove that you can do this a different way?” Does it feel liberating to break the rules and prove them wrong?

— Do you ever choose proving for others over choosing yourself? Do you feel like you give the rules and boxes a lot of power—even when you’re rebelling against them?

— What would it feel like to just choose yourself, regardless of the rules? What’s one thing you could choose to do today that centers yourself and not others? What if being so focused on yourself and what you love is the only way to get into flow with your genius?

One Response to "Are You Trying to Prove Yourself?"
  1. Val Redman says:

    Hi Mike. I just wanted to say that I’m so glad I signed up for your newsletters. Everything you write really resonates with me and it’s like receiving positive support from a friend who really gets you. Like being really seen and understood and reassured that there is nothing wrong with me. So Thank you for being you and sharing as you do. Love Val x

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