Are You Always Searching?

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I was searching for a long time.

Seeking.

Looking for something. Just looking in general. For purpose. For meaning. To feel like I fit in somewhere. To feel like something worked. To feel like I belonged.

I jumped from course to course, coach to coach, in and out of different spiritual traditions. I read more books than I can ever count.

I went to nutrition school and herbalism school. I spent two years going to weekly psychic classes. I got certified in five different energy healing modalities. I looked into acupuncture school and grad school for psychology.

I even left my own PR agency and started my own solo business. I got a major book deal.

And I was still searching. Always searching.

I felt hopeless. Like I’d never figure it out. I’d never really fully be satisfied. I’d never know my purpose or how I fit into this world.

Because I was the problem. I was fucked up. I was broken. And no matter how much I strived or struggled, I could never just be happy.

I looked around with envy at all of those people who just fit into the world. With jobs they liked—or at least could tolerate. And easy friendships. And definitive knowing about their relationships.

And I was the broken one. Who was never satisfied. No matter how many rules I followed, or how successful I could make my life look from the outside.

I wished I could just settle. So many people around me told me that I’m too high-maintenance, too demanding, I expect too much out of life.

But every day that I wasn’t explosively lit up by my work, every day that I tried again and failed, I felt like my tender heart was being torn in two.

Because I’m sensitive. I can literally sense more than other people. I see, feel, touch, taste, and smell more. I can see what others cannot.

And I thought for so long this was the thing that would bring me down. If I wasn’t so sensitive, I wouldn’t care so much.

I had no idea that it would save my life. And the world.

The truth is that we visionaries are sensitives. It’s how we can see visions of a future yet to come. We get ideas and inspiration that other people just can’t.

And we’re unable to settle. It’s our Achilles heel. We feel things so deeply. We experience misalignment so strongly. We just can’t settle.

And then we tell ourselves that we’re wrong and broken and fucked up for it. We tell ourselves we just need to do more mindset work or will ourselves to just be happy.

Which is crazy. We’d never tell a person in an abusive relationship to change their mindset or just be happy.

But we are gaslit every day. We’re told we “overreact and are too sensitive and need to be less emotional.”

The problem isn’t that we’re too emotional or we’ll never be happy. The problem is that we have no idea what we’re searching for.

So we become insatiable. We consume a new book or course or coach. One that everyone raves about. But it doesn’t satisfy us. Because it doesn’t contain the essence we’re searching for.

It’s kind of like being dehydrated and being handed vodka. Sure, a lot of people like it and rave about it. But it’s going to do very little to quench our thirst.

And we visionaries have been dehydrated for a long, long time.

So we move on. To another thing. Another program. Another job. Maybe even another relationship. Only to be let down again.

Because what we’re really looking for is a safe space to unpack our unique genius. That’s all we’re ever looking for. Just a space that can contain it—or what we often call a container.

And, to find good containers, we need to know what that genius or essence it.

I wish to God someone had explained this to make 10 years ago. It would have saved me so much heartache and shame. To know that I’m not fucked up or broken or wrong.

The reason I never fit in anywhere and wasn’t fully satisfied is because it couldn’t contain my genius. I was always “too much” or “not enough” for the container. But I wasn’t the problem. It just wasn’t a good fit for me.

And, if I’m really a visionary genius, then I’m not going to fit into a lot of the containers out there. That’s the whole point—I’m here to envision new containers, new modes of being in this world.

So we have to know our unique genius. That’s it. And it explains everything—our purpose, our skills, our perspective, why some things work and not others. Everything.

We can stop searching. And start creating.

Because we’re no longer looking anymore. We’ve found it. We know our purpose and genius without a doubt. And now we can start creating it everywhere.

And creating becomes so easy. Because all we have to do is build the safest, most spacious container for that genius.

For example, if I had boiling hot tea, I could theoretically pour it into anything—a mug, a cup, plastic, glass. But, if I chose to pour it into a cheap plastic cup, the container would probably break down and spill out everywhere. And I’d get like one drop of water, and swear it wasn’t “enough.”

But, since I know it’s boiling hot tea, I can choose a nice mug. It’s so easy it’s almost laughable.

But that’s the point. Creating art, life, business, relationships, friendships isn’t all that hard when we know our genius and our essence.

We stop devouring the books and courses and coaches. We stop trying every business model out there. We stop striving and struggling and doubting ourselves.

Because we’re no longer insatiable. We’re no longer searching. We’ve already found the thing we spent our lives searching for.

And, if we do decide to join a program or start a new project, it’s because we know this is going to work for us. Since it’s a good container for our genius.

I spent so much time in my life searching. And thinking I was broken and wrong. And internalizing the shame.

If I only knew earlier, without a doubt, that I was a genius, that I have a genius, and exactly what that genius is, well, I can’t even imagine where my life would be.

Since living a life led by my genius, everything has changed. Every single aspect has changed.

Because our genius is how we can most transform the world—our own lives and the world around us.

Our genius is our purpose, who we are at the core.

And you, my friend, are a genius.

 


Questions for Reflection:

*Answer is a journal, in the comments right here, or take it over to the Sacred Branding® Facebook group where we can support one another:

Are you always searching?

— Have you devoured courses, coaches, programs, or books looking for something to click for you? Have you questioned jobs or relationships, unsure why you can’t just be happy?

— Do you sometimes doubt if you’re broken or screwed up because you don’t seem fully satisfied with a life full of blessings? Are you still always searching for more meaning and purpose within it?

— What if all this time you’ve been searching for your unique genius? What if nothing will ever satisfy you unless it’s a good container for your genius? What if knowing your genius will allow you to stop searching and start creating with confidence and conviction?

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