I used to feel like I had to write something brilliant everyday. I remember I used to journal each morning about what to write about. Or think about it in the shower. Or even the night before. And come up with all these ideas about clever blog posts that were really related to my work.
And somehow, somewhere in those last five years, it just kind of stopped. And I realized the gift of this blog wasn’t any of that. It’s me. I’m the gift. Who I am, showing up exactly as who I am, everyday. That’s the gift. Because we’re always the gift.
And we don’t have to try so damn hard. It’d be like thinking that Garrett only loved me because I’m clever or funny or smart. And, while those things might end up being true, they’re just one natural manifestation of who I am, not my whole damn worth.
If I’m funny one day, it’s because it’s a part of me that wants to express itself. It’s not something I have to go out of my way to try to do.
I get sort of sad when I think back to how much I didn’t believe I had inherent worth. How much I thought I had to be impressive. Or write something brilliant. Just so people would notice me.
I wrote last week about the evolution of this blog over the past five years. Over more than 1,000 blog posts. And I think, for me, the biggest evolution was the internalization—the shift from external to internal. Early on, I’m pretty sure I was writing this for others. Sure, I wanted to find my own voice. But it was for other people. So that I had my own unique voice to start a business or write a book or help others.
Now? I write for me. I just share who I am as a form of self-expression. And I don’t need to come up with a clever blog topic each day. Because the topic’s not the point; I am.
It makes me think about so many of my clients, colleagues, and friends. Genuinely believing that they need to have “it”—whatever they arbitrarily assign to “it.” Like a bigger house. Or a smaller body. Or that sleek messaging. Or a catchy tagline. Or a methodology or system that people can follow.
It’s all because we’re still caught up in thinking that the “it”—that outside thing—is what the world wants and needs for us. And, in a sick way, it feels like we could be anyone. That just anyone with the right messaging and tagline and methodology and body could be doing what we do.
But they can’t. Because they don’t have our energy. They don’t have our Soul. And it can never be the same art.
I used to be convinced that I needed “it.” I had so many its running through my mind for years. And then the strangest thing happened. I started teaching the Sacred Circle way back in 2015. And working with my own Brand Energies. And the work forces you to turn way inward in a way no coaching or therapy had forced me to before. And to start understanding your unique essence.
And I kept teaching it when I released a book. And when I naturally felt called to change my wardrobe. And then my hairstyle and facial hair. And then buy a house. And then hire legal and accounting support. And then an energy healer on retainer. And then a community manager, strategist, and designer. And get engaged in Italy and married in Aruba. And so many other things.
But none of it happened all at once. And none of it was even the goal. It happened kind of naturally. Because it was the next logical—and easy—step for me. Not because it meant something in and of itself. But because it was the next expression of me.
Over the last three years, my life is unrecognizably different. But unmistakably me. And so many people say to me, “Oh gosh—if I had team members in my business like you, I’d be so successful.” Or “If I just had slick messaging, people would finally start buying.” And all of that may be true. I don’t know.
But it’s easy—and dangerous—to always externalize and assume what we’re really looking for is external. I’ll tell you that, a few years ago, I did have the right messaging and the right team members, and I still wasn’t happy or successful. I mean, maybe externally you might consider me that. But, internally, I didn’t feel it.
Because I was lacking me. It was a business devoid of me. And it can never be an expression of yourself—just a natural extension of who you are—if you aren’t in it.
You are the gift. Let me repeat that. You are the gift.
And the deeper you dive into your own subjectivity, into really unpacking who you are, the more you naturally start to evolve and change and get the various its you were convinced you needed all along.
Not because you need them. But because they become a natural manifestation of who you are.
What would your business, relationship, life look like if you let yourself be the gift?